It can be super tough to tell what your guy’s “type” is when it comes to women. Does he go for the giggly, happy go lucky blonde former cheerleader? Or the serious, quiet, bookish brunette who could have a career as a librarian in a snap? There are 3.5 billion woman in the world (according to the most recent population numbers). Every guy is going to have a stronger desire for one type of woman over another. Whatever it is, you want to know whether you’re his type. I get it.
When it comes to dating, most of us can be pretty predictable and fall into one of five basic dating personality types. There is no positive or negative here. Your dating personality can change, and oftentimes it will over the course of our lives. Humans are complicated, of course, and it’s possible to recognize characteristics of more than one type in yourself, but one will probably stand out for you more than the rest.
As the name suggests, Avoiders avoid! Common characteristics are:
Not being proactive about meeting more and new potential partners.
Getting easily frustrated and giving up when beginning to date or thinking about dating.
Generally uncomfortable flirting or putting himself/herself “out there”.
Avoiders want to have an organically unfolding connection with partners; they hope that a suitable partner will appear without any special effort on their part. When they do date, they usually date those they know through friends, work or school. Avoiders believe (or desperately hope) love will “just happen.” They can easily find reasons to disqualify potential partners, and feel intimidated by intimacy, especially when they are being pursued.
Dreamers have a very active imagination when it comes to their love lives – even when they’re not dating at all. Common characteristics are:
Prone to elaborate fantasies about a crush or being reunited with an ex.
Becoming fixated on one person, even if that person hasn’t demonstrated a concrete interest in dating you.
Tendency to compare potential partners to the “ideal” partner you imagine – an ex, crush or vision of the “perfect” man or woman.
Unwillingness to date anyone unless you feel instant chemistry and passion.
Dreamers believe in love at first sight and feel that anything less is a waste of time. They don’t easily move on if their attraction to another is not reciprocated or the other person isn’t seeking a relationship. Dreamers can easily be taken advantage of by someone who enjoys their attention but isn’t interested in being a partner. They can be highly critical of those they’re not already emotionally invested in and see their crush as nearly perfect. Dreamers can spend a lot of time frustrated by the inability or unwillingness of their “dream” partner to materialize or commit to them.
Dreamers tend to be very well suited to monogamy, since they are so single-minded about the object of their desire. The problem arises when the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy the Dreamer has created, or when the relationship is over or hasn’t even begun – a Dreamer can stay single for a long time because of an attachment to an unavailable partner.
Martyrs can find themselves in the same unfulfilling relationships and romantic entanglements over and over. Common characteristics are:
Dating those who “choose” her or him, even when they’re not particularly interested in that person.
Getting into relationships with those who mistreat or take advantage of her or him.
Making excuses for their partner’s poor behavior, especially if they have a difficult past or childhood.
Becoming quickly committed and “serial monogamy” – can find it hard to say no to a new relationship for fear of hurting the other person’s feelings or being alone.
Martyrs can be very empathetic, which is a wonderful quality. However, they can too easily lose their own sense of self worth and diminish their own needs and desires. Unfortunately, it’s easy to justify a relationship with an incompatible or even abusive partner if you’re not able to believe you deserve more (which you do) or that you can find another person who wants to date you (you can, trust me). Martyrdom can easily lead to masochism if you’re not careful.
The Nurturer/Protector is attracted to those they can care for and protect. Common characteristics are:
Attraction to the “potential” in others – maybe an unrealized talent or admirable personality trait.
Often “rescuing” partners from some distress – financial trouble, addiction, an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship, or a difficult period of life such as a job loss, health issue or death of a loved one.
Can become involved with people at a drastically different stage of life – someone who is much younger or has fewer resources than the Nurturer/Protector to handle their current situation.
Nurturer/Protectors, unconsciously or consciously like a “project”. They pride themselves on being able to see a side or an aspect of a person that most others can’t see. They secretly (or not so secretly) hope that they can love or encourage their partners into lasting change or breakthroughs. This relationship dynamic can lead to resentment on the part of the Nurturer/Protector, who can feel frustrated that their efforts are unappreciated or don’t achieve the results they are hoping for. There is also a danger of unconsciously setting your partner up to continually need your protection and support.
The Charmer is a highly socially intelligent person, and is generally characterized by:
Natural charm and magnetism that easily attracts others.
Feeling energized by the initial phase of attraction and seduction.
Feelings that monogamy is unnatural/unrealistic (at least for them).
A series of short relationships or no relationships at all beyond initial days or weeks of seduction.
Charmers love the thrill of the chase (or being chased). They are naturally adept at attracting many potential partners. They can be impulsive and fall in love easily and passionately for a short time. Monogamous relationships tend to be a rare or short-term event for the Charmer who is especially addicted to the novelty of new attractions.